Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
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