Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Randomize
