if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Randomize
