I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Randomize
