Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Randomize
