all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
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