Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
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