I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Randomize
