My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
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WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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