watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
