I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
