What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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