Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
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Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize