Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
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