weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
