When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Randomize
