im about as happy as oj after his trial
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Randomize
