Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
We need a shit load of segways right now
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Randomize
