She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
