Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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