Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
