just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
I deserve this hangover.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
