You made eat vitamins until I threw up
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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