She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
