You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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