the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
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I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
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The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
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