just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Randomize
