he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
Randomize
