Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Randomize
