Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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