My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
is wine microwaveable?
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
