is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
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