Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Randomize
