the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
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