I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
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I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
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Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
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