note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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