Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
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