I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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