just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
