I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
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