you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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