Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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