Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
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If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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