dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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