There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
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