so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
