I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
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