You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
