I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
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