We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Randomize
