The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
