I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
