We need to rekindle our bromance
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
it's like heaven, but drunker
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
