if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
i would punch a child for taco bell
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".