I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Randomize
