Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
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i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
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Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful