I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
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