He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
Randomize
