just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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