This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
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Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
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Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
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