Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Randomize
