how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
