a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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