well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
