:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Use "feeling words"
Yay
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Randomize
