windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize
