I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
