OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
We got so high we made milksteak
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
